Copy and Paste

I'm here today to post my thoughts on copy/paste "review" bloggers. The short of it is, you are not "review" bloggers, you are free product whores.

And yes, to some extent all review bloggers are free product whores (unless of course you're just posting reviews on things you bought, then kudos to you!). But in exchange for providing a worthwhile service to the companies that send them free swag, reviewers get to take off the product whore hat and proudly exclaim that they are review bloggers.

Why the need to make a distinction? Above all else, copy/paste PW (product whores) hurt the review blogging world as a whole. They usually start by entering giveaways, then think to themselves "hmm...for every contest I enter, the person hosting the contests seems to get the 'prize' as well. I could do that. No more entering contests, and guaranteed free stuff. Yay!!!" Which is fine, as long as you don't do a half assed job of your new reviews. If you can't write (and you know who you are), and have no desire to do a real review, please save yourself the embarrassment and help save the people who actually do reviews the trouble of explaining to sponsors how they are not like you.

So why is copy/paste so horrible?

For their product (and sometimes giveaway product) sponsors deserve an independent testimonial. Whether your assesment of their product be good, bad, or mixed. (And yes, you are allowed to point out product flaws or weaknesses - quit being so afraid that the next company won't send you free swag because you posted a less than stellar review that you give every single product a rave review - but more on that later). When the feedback and testimonial they gain is "Molly looked really cute in her shoes," with the rest being pasted from their site, there's not much of a benefit.

"Yes, but I'm giving them exposure and backlinks!!" And I'm sure they're thankful - they're also scrambling to put together a comprehensive questionnaire to quiz the next blogger with, so they don't end up with another disappointing result. Sponsors deserve to receive some effort from their samples. They don't want to feel ripped off, knowing that anyone is capable of reading what they put on their sites. You did not provide a review, you simply provided advertising. They might as well have written the post themselves (and really, they did) and had you to host a giveaway for them. You should be labeling all your posts as "advertisement" - as that's all that you're doing.

Did you know that Google may ignore backlinks/text if many posts that are similar in nature appear? So really, potentially, you're not adding to that company's search engine ranking at all, as you (and they) might think you are. "Molly looked really cute in her shoes" is not enough to set you apart from the other PWs.

The whole purpose of a review is to give the masses an independent view on the product. Give them the pluses and minuses and let them decide for themselves. If readers refuse to purchase anything based on your recommendations, because EVERY recommendation is glowing and positive then you're not helping the sponsor. Not at all. I KNOW readers have made purchases based on what I recommended, and I'm comfortable with those purchases being attributed to me. No one is going to be sitting at home swearing "fucking reviewer, why didn't they tell me xxx about the product." If a company can't accept that you might post negative things about their product, suggest to them that they pay you for an 'advertising' post. Or just host a giveaway. Label it as such, and sleep guilt free...but then again, you probably are, so it might help to think of it as Karma instead.

Maybe your reluctance to post negative reviews comes from the fact that you wrote them all and said "please, please, please" then lied about your stats to hear "yes." Okay, so maybe you didn't lie, sorry, I'm still hung up on that one. It's understandable not to post negative things about products you solicited, and I'm going to assume that because you solicited them, you really do like the product. (See how I'm not accusing you of blanket emailing massive quantities of companies - any company - to get a review. I know you wouldn't do that...ahem).

Let's get personal. Sometimes I spend hours on a review. Not the testing, just the writing. I want readers to get a feel for the item. And when it comes to testing, Hell, I want to get a feel for the item. Ripping it out of the box and taking a picture of your family 'using' the item, then posting the 'review' is not a review. Please stop calling it that. I would prefer the title: "This is what me, the product whore, got in the mail today. I will now post what the site says about their products and use the word 'love' 6 million times. Thanks for stopping by for my giveaways. I know you're not here for content. All this openness makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Stop in tomorrow to see what I'll regurgitate from the next sponsor's website."

Now, there are giveaway sites (and yes, they are labeled that, and I love them for it), that make no pretense of being review sites. Perhaps you should start one of those. It's easy, remove the damn 'review' label from your header. Companies know they are sending their swag in return for a giveaway on the site. No review. And they hope that in the traffic these sites generate (some with 400+ entries a contest), there will be some sincerely interested buyers, or people will see their product and go "wow, I need that."

Please don't start thinking "that's what I do, I guess I'm not so bad, what was all this crap about?" That is NOT what you do. You tell companies you will review their products. You tell your readers you have reviewed the product. You big fat lying PW...Wow, that's so unsatisfying...Product Whore...that's better. Be upfront about what you do!!!! You want the free stuff with none of the strings (like an actual review) then tell companies "Look, I'll host a giveaway for you. I want xxx money to do it, or one of your products, I'm going to cut/paste product info from your site, you'll get traffic in return." If they say yes, then good for you, but please stop pretending that you're a reviewer. You're not.

New Rule

I have some rules I like to live by. Just things to keep in mind as I move though life.

New Rule:

Never buy a fridge that can not accommodate a large pizza box. Never Ever. I don't care how good the sale was. Now I have 4 plates randomly inserted into drawers and on shelves to hold the aforementioned pizza. And my bread will never look the same. I knew I shouldn't have shoved the box in and slammed the door really hard, hoping it would stay shut. Opps.

Have you seen the LG commercials of the women sabotaging their appliances?

Diaper Duty

It's very simple really. Dh doesn't do it. He got out of it by gaging and threatening to throw up on our son. I mean, really, what kind of mother would I be if I let me son get thrown up on?!?!! Horrible, right?

I guess I'm a horrible mother then, because yesterday I had enough of dh's crap. I called him on it and DEMANDED he change a diaper. A poopy diaper. Guess what, he didn't throw up. It's a miracle. Praise the Lord.

Guess what else happened? I had a poop streak across my carpet that necessitated me to bring out the steam cleaner. ME. Not dh, ME. I had to clean it up. Why? Well he changed the diaper of course! What's fair is fair! I almost left it. Almost, except I knew who would eventually win the stand off. I'm not so good with poop stains on my carpet.

How did the poop streak get there? A normal occurance when changing diapers I'm told. Uh huh.

You think you're a very clever fellow don't you.

The Diaper war has begun.

New Nick Name

We have a puppy. What we were thinking having 2 dogs with Toddles around? I'm not sure.

Puppy is a menace, as puppies will be. He's almost a year now, but is still very much a playful little guy. He terrorizes our older fur baby to no end.

He eats everything and anything he can get his puppy jowls around. Dirty Diaper. Check. One of mom's review items. Check. Two of mom's review items. Check. Did I mention he can open doors? Cupboard doors. Regular doors. You name it, he's in it.

So now when toddles isn't around, puppy has a new nick name. Puppy Fucker 'x'. Bastard puppy for short.

Liar Liar

I'm starting to have a serious problem with some mom blogs overtly lying about their stats. Or if not lying about them, fixing them to be misleadingly high. Clickyity click click, if you know what I mean.

If I get 4500 unique hits a month, and 30 000 page views (no, I didn't add an extra zero), there's something wrong. Especially when I'm just promoting my 30 000 "hits" and leaving out the all important 4500 unique visits a month. Big difference. Are they telling me that everyone loves their page so much they stop back 7 times a day for a page that's only updated once. Or that EVERY SINGLE DAY their loving followers visit 7 pages on their site (even though there's only 7 pages of posts in TOTAL)??!!?

I hate to break it to you honey, but review/giveaway blog visitors are generally there for one thing and one thing only...and it's not your incredible writing. They're not pouring through your pages devouring every nugget of wisdom you spout forth. They want your prizes. You know it. I know it. They know it. Yes, you will have some loyal readers, but not enough to account for the numbers you are offering up.

Nothing against giveaway blogs. I love them. Hell, I have one. Shhh.

But really, why do I care? Oh yes. Because the companies you mislead and screwover are going to hold a grudge against bloggers in general. They're going to tell their friends. Their friends are going to be hesitant to work with blogs to. Those friends have friends. You get the idea. You're a cancer that needs to be stopped.

Now I know many sponsors are smart enough to do their homework. The problem is many sponsors have had great past blogger experiences and are too trusting. Many are new to "Mom Blog" advertising, and wanting their business to succeed are jumping on the 30 000 hits bandwagon.

I want those businesses to succeed as well. That's why you NEED to be upfront about your stats. You need to stop being greedy. That's NOT what this is about.

Okay, that is a little bit what this is about. I'm being honest, right? There are reviews that I WANT, but don't get because my stats aren't impressive enough. Fair enough, I'll work on my reader base, and when it gets larger, I'll check back. But when I see one popping up on your blog. A review you had no business getting, it makes me mad. More than just a little bit.

Silence!!

Dh: "Can you make him play more quietly?!?! What does he want???"

Me: "He's having fun!! What the hell is wrong with you?"

Dh: "I'm busy, take him down stairs."

Of course, how could I be so insensitive. After all, Steven Segal is making a silencer from a pop bottle - this is life or death stuff, people.

Sick. Lovely.

I watch my son all day. Yes, I'm a WAHM so this is fair. I absolutely signed up for this. I can handle the office and Toddles (My son's AnonyMom nickname).

But my dh (use your imagination) has been home for weeks. Slow economy = massive time off for him. If he was doing something productive with this time, I would still adhere to my "I watch our son" prerogative. But seriously, all he's been doing is laying around watching his mansoaps (Ultimate fighter), and avoiding all parental responsibility.

If our son needs a diaper change, I do it. If our son makes a mess, I clean it. If our son is hungry, I feed him. Who gets up at night? Obviously not the one who has a busy day of mansoaps ahead of him.

And cooking, cleaning, and everything else domestic is still on me.

Is it too much to ask that my dh watch him so I get 5 min of "mommy time"?!!??

Of course he claims he watches him. Right. But as soon as anything that could possibly fall under the category of 'responsibility' arises, I hear "HE'S trying to pry off the outlet covers. Better come get him!" "His Cheerios are all over the floor. Better bring the vacuum!"

As it is, I get to bed after him and wake up hours before him.

I was sick and throwing up all yesterday morning. It was so considerate of him to wake just long enough each time I was sick to "keep an eye" on our son. This of course meant he watched Toddles wander around on the floor while he stayed in bed. At one point he yelled "Are you done? He's leaving the room." Uhh, yeah. Thanks for helping out.

I was still sick in the afternoon. He was such a wonderful help. He took my son to one of our friend's houses so my girlfriend could watch him, and my dh could hang out with her husband. They watched Ultimate Fighter, no doubt.

I never have to think too hard to remember life before children - a glance at my dh is a fine reminder.

My dh

dh. I googled it. Apparently it stands for "dear husband."

I still plan on using this shorthand, but bear in mind that quite frequently the 'd' will stand for something entirely not related to "dear."

I'm thinking along the lines of 'damn,' 'dumb,' 'deluded,' and when he's being really special 'dildo-of-a.'

Yes, I said it.

He Knows

My son seems to know when picture time is coming. It's a sixth sense he seems to be gifted with.

Every time I set up an appointment he appears with bruises all over his head. Now, so you're not freaking out, he's a toddler, so I assume it's fairly normal for some bumps to occur. But EVERY TIME I go to get a nice family shot he kicks it into over drive.

I have visions of some child welfare advocate seeing our picture displayed at the local photo shop, and having to explain my son's bruises to her. Or worse, the local photo shop actually calling said advocate and skipping the whole randomness step completely.

Welcome!

I'm not sure why I'm writing welcome. No one is reading this. And that's okay. This is my venting blog. All the gory behind the scenes details that can't be posted under my real name - this is where to find them.

Why anonymous you might ask? Well, I'm really a nice person. I try to be anyways. But the filter that stops the nastiness from escaping my brain has become excessively burdened. It needs an outlet!

So funny, mean spirited, and everything you won't find on a cheery mommy blog is what you'll get!