Sick. Lovely.

I watch my son all day. Yes, I'm a WAHM so this is fair. I absolutely signed up for this. I can handle the office and Toddles (My son's AnonyMom nickname).

But my dh (use your imagination) has been home for weeks. Slow economy = massive time off for him. If he was doing something productive with this time, I would still adhere to my "I watch our son" prerogative. But seriously, all he's been doing is laying around watching his mansoaps (Ultimate fighter), and avoiding all parental responsibility.

If our son needs a diaper change, I do it. If our son makes a mess, I clean it. If our son is hungry, I feed him. Who gets up at night? Obviously not the one who has a busy day of mansoaps ahead of him.

And cooking, cleaning, and everything else domestic is still on me.

Is it too much to ask that my dh watch him so I get 5 min of "mommy time"?!!??

Of course he claims he watches him. Right. But as soon as anything that could possibly fall under the category of 'responsibility' arises, I hear "HE'S trying to pry off the outlet covers. Better come get him!" "His Cheerios are all over the floor. Better bring the vacuum!"

As it is, I get to bed after him and wake up hours before him.

I was sick and throwing up all yesterday morning. It was so considerate of him to wake just long enough each time I was sick to "keep an eye" on our son. This of course meant he watched Toddles wander around on the floor while he stayed in bed. At one point he yelled "Are you done? He's leaving the room." Uhh, yeah. Thanks for helping out.

I was still sick in the afternoon. He was such a wonderful help. He took my son to one of our friend's houses so my girlfriend could watch him, and my dh could hang out with her husband. They watched Ultimate Fighter, no doubt.

I never have to think too hard to remember life before children - a glance at my dh is a fine reminder.

My dh

dh. I googled it. Apparently it stands for "dear husband."

I still plan on using this shorthand, but bear in mind that quite frequently the 'd' will stand for something entirely not related to "dear."

I'm thinking along the lines of 'damn,' 'dumb,' 'deluded,' and when he's being really special 'dildo-of-a.'

Yes, I said it.

He Knows

My son seems to know when picture time is coming. It's a sixth sense he seems to be gifted with.

Every time I set up an appointment he appears with bruises all over his head. Now, so you're not freaking out, he's a toddler, so I assume it's fairly normal for some bumps to occur. But EVERY TIME I go to get a nice family shot he kicks it into over drive.

I have visions of some child welfare advocate seeing our picture displayed at the local photo shop, and having to explain my son's bruises to her. Or worse, the local photo shop actually calling said advocate and skipping the whole randomness step completely.

Welcome!

I'm not sure why I'm writing welcome. No one is reading this. And that's okay. This is my venting blog. All the gory behind the scenes details that can't be posted under my real name - this is where to find them.

Why anonymous you might ask? Well, I'm really a nice person. I try to be anyways. But the filter that stops the nastiness from escaping my brain has become excessively burdened. It needs an outlet!

So funny, mean spirited, and everything you won't find on a cheery mommy blog is what you'll get!